"It is a thrilling tale, and I wish to do it justice..."

Missing my brother...

2008-07-05T03:00:34Z

My brother is going to the Naval Academy at Annapolis. I just miss him so much! I just got back from dropping him off actually. It was like a 10 hour drive... but it was worth it. I got to spend so much time with him before he left. I was really lonely after his induction. I just walked around Annapolis for like 3 hours before stopping at a coffee place to watch all the other tourists.

I was looking at pictures of him with my famliy this evening. They were all telling stories about how I used to complete his sentences when we were younger. My grandma and my aunt said that I still do it and that they noticed the last time we were over at their house...

So Annapolis has to be the most beautiful town in the U.S. All those old buildings, small shops, coffee places everywhere. And of course cute boys everywhere... there was this one who kept looking at me when I was drinking my coffee. He was very good looking...and blond. But then these two BARELY legal girls came over and talked my head off. They were actually very fun and invited me to go for drinks and play cards at a friend's house but I declined. I didn't think it was a good idea. I reached that decision after I heard their stories of going to rehab aka "THE WOODS" for cocaine addiction. LOL they had a friend named anthony whos parents sent him to rehab cuz he was gay...

Anyway... I really miss my brother :'(

Zoo!!!

2008-06-08T15:49:27Z

I'm going to the zoo today and them I'm going to Jessie's B-day party! I'm really excited!!!

Yesterday I went to a family reunion on my Grandma's side. It was really weird. The only guy close to my age was 21 and all he did was sit inside and watch tv. LAME. Oh yeah and I'm related to dwarves. Thats right. I said it.

Okay so now I need to shower before going to the zoo. Hopefully I'll get a nice tan....and I won't die from the humidity...

Oh yeah, my first paycheck from the fieldstation with the duke energy internship is going to be waaay over $500....SWEET. I can start paying my mom and aunt back for the car.

Speaking of the car my mom tried to take my car saying that she helped pay for it so she can take it and drive it whenever.... I just laughed. What a dojo she is. She plays too much runescape. Fo' sho'

Well since I was so commanded by the illustrious skie avvi...

2008-05-31T21:25:01Z

I've been really busy with the tribeta convention... right now I'm already late for a banquet that starts at 6... i blame YOU skie.

Met a boy named ephraim, he's cute, interesting but takes forever to return my texts....

As for the other one.... "I put on my robe and wizard hat..."

^ 'nuff said...

I'm looking forward to maq's party.... but not all the driving I'll have to do that day...

I wonder where melinda is?

clsgraduate @ 2007-03-07T20:48:00

2007-03-08T01:49:56Z

WHY IS EVERYTHING ABOUT SEX?! IS THIS GOING TO BE THE SAME OLD FUCKING STORY WHEN i "GROW UP"

FUCK IT.

clsgraduate @ 2007-02-11T21:49:00

2007-02-12T03:00:12Z

So I'm the biggest dork ever - I was actually out in this cold weather collecting pine needles and pine cones for the Gen. Bio Lab....

We're growing fruitflies in Genetics

I got on the deans list which is a great feat considering my chemistry grades - I just got a 71 on my O chem test.

I really wish I knew how to dance to this techno music! I love Hello Goodbye. This guy named Tom who works with me in the labs has been introducing me to all these cool new songs.

My dad needs to stop telling me all these things about his marriages that his son shouldn't know about.

I can't wait to go to clases tomm. I'm such a loser...but then I'll get to see....tehehe

I am a love sick puppy, must be all this stupid valentines day business...

clsgraduate @ 2007-01-03T01:26:00

2007-01-03T05:26:23Z

My aunt obviously thinks I'm gay: "OMG! You could come with me to get a manicure and a peticure!"
--pffft whatver auntie...

I just bought a couple pounds of chocolate and I'm going to eat it all.

just a couple more days until my birthday....and my mom has taken away my car...ugh.

Maq, you don't need to get me anything. *hug* you're too sweet....

I need to start ordering my books online...classes start soon.

clsgraduate @ 2006-12-27T01:23:00

2006-12-27T05:23:18Z

I honestly just do not want to grow up. 8 more days until my birthday. Maybe I just won't turn 18. I don't have to. You can't mke me.

*emo*

*angst*

*more angst*

My stepdad is a fucking dick head. FUCK! So I brought Laura over to say hi to sally and watch a movie. I should have called ahead but fuck it. Well my stepdad nicely bitches everyone out, mom included. "When I come home, I want to be in control of my own house". Honestly. What a vaginal wash. I was so embarassed.

I don't want to grow up...I don't want to grow up....I don't want to grow up.

Fuck. I just want to fucking kill myself.

I need to find Peter Pan, he can take me to Neverland. I can just stay there and fight pirates if I get bored....Of course I'm sure you guys have something to say about me living on an Island with a bunch of half naked boys. Fuckers.

I kind of just want to bang my head on a wall a couple of times.

8 more days until my birthday. Maybe I just won't turn 18. I don't have to. You can't mke me.

You know that sharp pain in your chest that you get when something sad happens like when you find out that someone is cheating on you or you learn that someone important has died or any other scenario? Well I kind of like that feeling. I think that maybe I'm a masochist in that sense. I looked up masochism in the dictionary and it includes physical and emotional pain. I find myself thinking of depressing thoughts just so I can feel it. I play out these scenarios in my head; like someone very important to me dies or I kill myself. That feeling is just so familiar. And I like it. Sometimes I end up crying and I feel even better. But this only happens at night, not really in the morning. Something shitty happens during the day and I start getting that sharp pain in my chest then I just egg it on with sad thoughts.

When I wake up and I look at this, I won't really recognize that I wrote it. Thats all.

clsgraduate @ 2006-12-22T23:13:00

2006-12-23T03:13:34Z

Jesus fucking christ, why have you not fucking called me?! I just want an excuse to get out of this fucking house and away from everything!

FFFFFFUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK YYYYYYYYOOOOOOUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!! AND YOUR LITTLE DOG TOO

Why am I so pissed at you? Well I must just have a big HOMOSEXUAL crush on you! (taken from Mean Girls)

I have no fucking money and Eragon (teh movie) was so fucking gay what a fucking waste. GOD! I just want to fucking kill meself with a fucking Icicle

On top of all this, I have not found one decent book to read.

I do believe the holiday stress has gotten to me. Ignore me. Please.

I'm going to go watch House and it will make me feel better.

And I swear to fucking god if my brother does not stop reading this I will fucking kill him.

Damn it! Why am I so fucking angry?!?!?! It must be my time of month.

clsgraduate @ 2006-12-21T23:26:00

2006-12-22T03:26:55Z

I just bitched Jason out. Smooth.

clsgraduate @ 2006-12-21T21:30:00

2006-12-22T01:30:54Z

A gay emo boy is staring at me as I type this. I have turned around twice to see him looking at me. I think he's gay cuz he's reading this book that has a picture of the photagrapher from "Rent" on the front. I'm pretty much creeped out by this, but he has glasses like Jason so I'm becoming increasingly amused.

The hot Filipino librarian has quit and Melinda has informed me that she has an ugly boyfriend. I want one...a hot Filipino Librarian that is.

My stepdad's dad died...so I gues I should say that my stepgrandfather died. I don't know how to act or how to feel, sooner or later I'm going to run into my stepdad, our house isnt that big.

I've found some movies that will make me laugh.

I have also found 2 out of 4 books I should read over break. I bought one at Borders for $15 (I should say that my mom bought it). The other I got from the Library, it looks to be as old as an Egyptian Mummy. I fear that if I try to open it the pages will turn to dust. Scholars face such dangers everyday.

Jason was supposed to call me today, but he has most likely forgotten.

I love Melinda. She's the best Librarian ever.

clsgraduate @ 2006-12-20T00:13:00

2006-12-20T04:13:29Z

Sometimes I just hate my dad. If you ever want to feel like third wheel, just hang out with your dad and his new girlfriend. I swear he is on his cell phone with her every five minutes. This past weekend he burnt pop corn because he was talking to her nonstop. When we're in the car he talks really quietly with her over the cell phone and turns the music up. He's also been getting mad at me over the smallest things....Like when I refused to let him borrow some of my chapstick. I don't even have a good reason for witholding it from him, thats prolly why he got ticked off. He also keeps calling me a smart ass.

I'm almost done with my Christmas shopping just one or two more gifts....

It's almost my birthday in less than 2 weeks. I'm going to be 18. I have a feeling that my stepdad is gonna kick me out of the house. That thought makes me want to cry.

I spent the night at casey's last night. We played Halo and listened to music, it was great seeing him again and just hanging out and catching up. I then took him to work for about 1.5 hours.

*complains about life*

*complains about his inability to attract the opposite sex*

Surprisingly I felt good when Neko told me that he seriously thought that Jason and I were dating.

Shannon got me a scarf, I don't care if I look gay wearing it. It's beautiful and warm. Like a girlfriend. Shannon's Christmas present is now my girlfriend.

I feel so ashamed that I do not have a real job. I'm starting to feel anxious, I should volunteer at the hospital like I've been planning to do for the last year.

Well, without further ado, my grades:

Physiology - B
Organic Chemistry - B
Organic Chemistry Lab - B+
English (Short Story) - A
Theology (Old Testament) - A
Precal - A

GPA - 3.559
Overall GPA - 3.353

Go me.

clsgraduate @ 2006-11-12T23:43:00

2006-11-13T03:43:19Z

I havn't posted in a long time, mostly cuz there isnt anything to post about....

but if there is, I 'll be sure to say something.

yeah, my penis is 2 inches long...

I want the DVD and soundtrack for The Rules of Attraction. What a great movie.

clsgraduate @ 2006-08-28T22:34:00

2006-08-29T02:39:29Z

Classes have started...yay.

my aunt is moving back into town thats pretty awesome.

I learned how to play "M Country Tis of Thee" on the piano....one verse.

I bought Jason a present for his birthday....almost 2 weeks late. I wanted to give it to him today but I didnt see him which ticks me off.

I am not eating healthy.

My classes are getting hard.....prolly cuz I watch too much cartoons.

Now I'm sad again. I want my book back from Jason.

clsgraduate @ 2006-08-14T15:16:00

2006-08-14T19:38:26Z

Okay so the camping trip....hehe.

OMG! Simon, the german exchange student was so frigin awesome. He kept drinking and drinking. He also kept trying to swim in the lake and I went out with him to make sure he didnt drown. We wanted to go into the hot tub but it was closed so we took a shower instead. I tried to teach him how to belly dance but it was a lost cause. We all used waaay too much soap. I bet kendra enjoyed it....

Poor Simon! When he went to bed all he had was a blanket cuz everyone kept taking everything (he didnt come prepared) and I kept waking up to him shivering right next to me. So I kept on putting the blanket on top of him. I didnt want him to die or get a cold cuz that would really suck.

anyway he kept saying wierd stuff...I guess its cuz he was drunk and he's from germany...stuff like "you will have two dicks, one in the front and one in the back"! He also told us all the pervy german words: (prolly spelled wrong)
Blassen - to give a blowjob, or blow a balloon (he even gave us hand motions!)
Der schwul - the gay
gosh there was sooo much. I wanna learn how to talk dirty in german :(

haha, he was great! I cannot wait to hang out with him more.

ahhh and all the other stuff that happened! A toast! I will tell more stories when I see you guys.

clsgraduate @ 2006-08-06T00:21:00

2006-08-06T04:36:38Z

YAY! Laura had her little get together, not a lot of people showed up but it was frigin awesome anyway....due to the large amount of soccer that was played. I was really awesome. final score:

7 and a half to 5 and a quarter

Dominic came up with the part goals, they mad a lot of sense though....Dominic did this neat trick with mentos and diet coke....frigin awesome! but everybody stole my money.... :'(

Melinda! I am really really sorry about not returning the movies on time! I promise to pay you back! just dont hurt me!!! Hey I'll pay you back at the next movie party! Thats incentive! Have a party and I'll give you money! Its a win win situation...

I need to go back to arby's and return my uniform and get my last check.

I saw Jason at Kmart. He just looks the way he always does...which is confusing.

clsgraduate @ 2006-07-22T14:59:00

2006-07-22T19:00:31Z

HEY EVERYBODY, MELINDA IS HAVING A MOVIE PARTY TODAY AT 7:00

clsgraduate @ 2006-07-20T13:08:00

2006-07-20T17:15:31Z

I'm really starting to hate my job. All the girls freak me out. Liz and Lindsey kept tickling me. Liz also kept trying to give me a hug...but I dont trust her enough to get that close.

I applied at Kmart...I really really really hope that they hire me. I want to work with better people...and better pay -^_^-

Kendra, Jason and I went to go see Fast and the Furious 3...it was one of the worst movies I have ever seen but Jason's comments about Hicks made it a great time. The hot asians were awesome too of course...hehe

argh too bad Jason has to work today and tomm. :(

oh and my parents took away the crappy computer that only has aim...

clsgraduate @ 2006-07-17T12:54:00

2006-07-17T16:58:32Z

*cries because he has missed everyone*

So my 3 week vacation thing has been pretty funny, I cant to tell you guys about it. Right now I'm still too tired to write about it and I prolly wont.

I hope I havnt missed too much...

clsgraduate @ 2006-06-26T23:19:00

2006-06-27T03:57:39Z

hmmm yeah I'm sad again. I think its because I read The Perks of Being a Wallflower. It was a really depressing book but what made it scary was that I kinda understood some of the stuff the kid was talking about. It prolly sounds stupid but I'm jealous of that Kids life cause it turned out alright in the end. I hope that happens to me.

My dad took me to some expwnsive restraunt called J. Alexanders but I wasnt hungry but I ordered a $15 burger anyway. Well I dont remember how much it cost but it was around that. The menu didnt have prices which I thought was wierd.

My grandma is moving to Lawrenceburg, Indiana. The house is sooo cool but I've only seen pictures and they belong to some community thing where they can use a pool and tennis courts.

I'm really depressed right now. I was just talking to Jason and I told him a great story of my day but he only talked about my last sentence. It seems like he only read the last part of my story. I know I sound like some stupid whiny teenage girl freaking about her "crush"...maybe I am....but I think I only really want someone to talk to that will listen to me.

Hmmm I basically just told Jason about being sad he didnt read my whole story. He then said something about each sentence that I wrote. That made me smile but only for a little bit. Now I'm sad again for no reason. I feel like I'm going to cry. I'm getting that tightening feeling in my chest and it kinda hurts like always.

I think I'm going to go to bed now...well I actually cant cuz I'm at my grandmas and theres no room for me to hide in. Maybe I'll go outside.

I havnt replied to any of Jasons recent IMs...I'm too sad to. I'm also afraid that I'll say something I'll regret. But I should say something so I dont hurt his feelings though...

clsgraduate @ 2006-06-20T12:35:00

2006-06-20T19:45:24Z

Okay so heres a convo that Jason and had. I found it so amusing.

brayhold70: haha, you sound... dare i say... jealous
SupeDawg05: fuck it
SupeDawg05: I am. those bitches better stay away from my man
brayhold70: im not kidding! putting aside the gay jokes, thats what it sounded like
brayhold70: lol, right
SupeDawg05: I'm serious, if they keep eyeing you, I'll deck them

SupeDawg05: well you were showing yourself off
brayhold70: what?! no!!
brayhold70: only because i had to!
SupeDawg05: hahahhaha
SupeDawg05: oh thats good
SupeDawg05: I had to lift up my shirt!
SupeDawg05: haha
brayhold70: there was no other choice!
brayhold70: the first time i had to make someone laugh
brayhold70: the second time i was asked to by the hostess
brayhold70: i didnt want to be RUDE!
SupeDawg05: hahhaa!
SupeDawg05: oh Jason if thats all it took, I would invite you over more often *cough cough*

brayhold70: i guess i just am a slut
brayhold70: damn me
SupeDawg05: hehe
SupeDawg05: yes you are
brayhold70: oh well, cant deny what i am
SupeDawg05: ...
brayhold70: just kidding
SupeDawg05: awwww
SupeDawg05: and I was going to say feel free to not deny your sluttiness with me anytime
brayhold70: you know you like it
SupeDawg05: only cuz you're blond
brayhold70: you like my hair?
SupeDawg05: fuck yeah
brayhold70: that makes one of ud
brayhold70: s*
SupeDawg05: you dont like your hair?!
brayhold70: its too thin.
SupeDawg05: ....
SupeDawg05: *snicker*
brayhold70: snickers are soo good
SupeDawg05: but how can you not like your hair?!?!?!
brayhold70: its thin! it doesnt do anything!
SupeDawg05: what is that supposed to mean?
brayhold70: thick hair doesnt just fall down all the time. you can shape it like play doh and fun stuff like that
SupeDawg05: you want playdoh hair?!
brayhold70: OF COURSE!

It prolly sounded gay as heck but it was funny. Jason is so amusing.

clsgraduate @ 2006-06-14T13:10:00

2006-06-14T17:33:25Z

Tired. Bored. And my Car is running on empty....

hmmm...what else? Oh yes work sucks and so on and so forth. Melinda says she's having a movie party this weekend. I should call her to make sure.

Father's Day is coming up and all I got my dad is a card. I dont know what else to get him. Maybe a shirt...

My brilliant mother scheduled my brother's wrestling camp to start on Father's Day, no one has told my dad yet...I feel a fight coming on. Or Maybe my dad will just get depressed and give up and say "Fine, whatever take them". I hope he doesnt...I also hope he doesnt fight with my mom.

clsgraduate @ 2006-06-10T13:32:00

2006-06-10T17:39:54Z

On Friday work sucked really really bad. I bought a 97.3 shirt for 5 dollars to raise money for the girls and boys club but one of the f-tards at Arby's spilled coffee or something on it. I was so pissed, no one even told me who did it. There are seriously no half way decent people that work there. I get made fun of all the time just cuz I dont know their nasty sex lingo. Bunch of stupid retards.

Anyway....on a lighter note, I'm almost finished rearranging my room! Yay!

hmmm thats all. Oh casey is going to spend the night tonight. I need to buy an adaptor (is that how you spell it?!?!?) so we can play Halo in my room. My mom sent the last one I bought to my cousins.

clsgraduate @ 2006-06-09T11:02:00

2006-06-09T15:11:07Z

hmmm...been hanging out with kendra a lot which is awesome! I missed her so much during school. Bleh. All the stuff we did is on her LJ. I'm too lazy to post it.

Jessie, sorry but I lack the energy to plan this Omen movie party. We should just bring it to the next melinda movie party.

Ugh life sucks blah blah...*angst* blah blah *is emo*

hehe this whole kendra crush is amusing. I get a chance to play the matchmaker...*snicker* cuz Im oh so good at it.

ugh I'm sad...depressed....as usual. I'm tired of this shit, of feeling like this all the time. I used to only feel like this before I went to bed. darn it. I need something....what is it?

clsgraduate @ 2006-05-30T20:50:00

2006-05-31T04:01:50Z

Ahhh let's see...went to nicks party...played basketball with jason and saw nathan who was away at thailand for a year.

Went to Hank's surprise party...Jason and I were late cuz jason isnt good with time. Had an awesome time, I really like that darling if you love me game....UGH! Jason showed off his happy trail

*seethes with something akin to jealousy*

showing off his body like a 2 cent whore for all to see! *goes on in a rage*

*stops when the realization of how gay it sounds to be raging about Jason showing of his body...then is too lazy to erase it*

I saw X-Men with my brother. It was good. hehe that beast guy was gay...I agree with jessie.

So I just got back from my friends house where we played video games and swam in his pool...he had a lot of people over and we ate pizza, typical teenage guy party. My friend is frigin crazy, he spent $400 dolars in less than 30 min...frigin spoiled rich kid. Though we had fun with all the pool crap he bought and the slip and slide.

Nothing seems to be, tastes as sweet as what I cant have

2006-05-22T03:53:56Z

So I just recieved word that my mom is giving the only computer I use at home to my aunt. Major sucky blowjob. On a lighter note I took a purity test online and got an 88...hehe go me! They got me on those technical crap...butt cheeses.

"I know how much you want to give it to me."

I saw the da vinci code with Jason! It was kinda boring cuz I had already read the book but the albino was awesome! He looked like Jason and I was quite upset when he died. Jason and I went to gold star afterwards and saw people with lots and lots of hair. It was fun.

We just have the most interesting convos:

brayhold70: do you have a nocturnal bad side?

brayhold70: youre a hooker!

SupeDawg05: yes! I am! Glad you figured it out!

brayhold70: me too

brayhold70: how much? do friends get deals?

brayhold70: not for me, but i know a guy who knows a guy...

SupeDawg05: uh-huh. For you Jason...everything is free

brayhold70: thats a sweet deal!

SupeDawg05: dont get too cocky, its only cuz you're blond